I met a really attractive and intelligent woman at a party a few weeks ago. It was a public event at an art gallery. She was a high school teacher in her early thirties. We had been talking for a good half hour and really seemed to be hitting it off. We even exchanged email addresses and had made tentative plans to meet for coffee sometime.
Then, things suddenly went downhill. I commented that she had a “nice, full, hourglass figure”. I thought she would take it as a compliment but instead she became deeply offended. She snapped, “Oh really….well perhaps I should do some plus size modeling!” I went into damage control mode and tried to clarify my comments but I think I only exacerbated things when I used the term “healthy”. With a look of complete disgust, she slapped my face and departed.
I will never forget those agonizing moments in the immediate aftermath, as I was standing there alone rubbing my cheek, drawing some judgemental stares from onlookers. Needless to say, it was not my proudest moment, LOL.
She had the classic figure of a 50’s pinup – large bust, narrow waist, shapely hips/legs. I guess she had interpreted “hourglass” as meaning big/overweight/full figured. I just thought it meant shapely and well proportioned.
When I told a female friend about this she shook her head and said it was never a good idea to comment on a woman’s figure, even if I thought it was complimentary. What do you think about this?
From another guys perspective, you may have just caught her at a bad time with that question. Mood swings make make one comment funny one day and vulgar the next.
In my opinion she totally overreacted, and for the wrong reasons.
Every woman I know would take that as a compliment unless they’re the old school type that don’t like men to make sexual comments no matter how small(i.e. 40+ women)
lol, I don’t get it.. i don’t know why she would be offended. I say good thing you found out early, she would be pretty annoying later.
I don’t get upset if a guy makes a comment on my looks, I get that the underlying thing is that he’s interested.. and people can get tongue-tied with words and worry about making impressions that things just don’t come out right all the time..
the important things I look at is when we’re on a date or that initial time when I know he’s interested or I’m interested in getting to know him as a date or potential date.. how he treats me. does he open doors? does he pay for the date? did he hesitate? is he nervous, and if so, that’s okay.. there’s a gentleman-like quality that just can’t be forced,a type of chivalry, and if its not there.. I can’t see more dates later.. interesting to know what guys look for in a date/first impression..
I think the girl you were talking about was taking herself too seriously.. could be a problem later.. I’d say you should be relieved it didn’t quite work out..
I know some have self esteem issues, but when we know a guy is interested and a potential date, I highly doubt that the guy making fun of us crosses our mind unless there was something inherently not okay with the look in your eye or something when you said it.. we lean more toward the “oh that is so cute. I think he kinda likes me. maybe this’ll work out. maybe this is just someone awesome, new that I met.. is this going to be friends material or potential boyfriend material. he must think I’m cute. He thinks I’m his type? He took my number.. omg, that is so.. he’s cute, I think he’s cute.”.. if this wasn’t quite what she was thinking.. she was looking for an exit.
best of luck on finding the next
awesome girl/date/potential.. don’t worry
about this one.. it’s totally not the norm.
-from me, a girl’s perspective
(25-30 yr range)
Hi, You know what, there are some guys out there that just can’t hold a conversation well.
Have a buddy screen you for how you talk to women, or better yet- ask a female friend to be honest with you. Some guys just don’t know- and some girls won’t ever tell what it really was that bothered them… but they’ll drop interested REAL fast.
This is the original poster. I guess I can blame part of it on overactive male hormones coupled with having had a few glasses of wine. Hey, it‘s not every day you meet a really pretty Asian woman with all natural 34-DD‘s I was probably guilty of having wandering eyes. It didn’t help matters that she was wearing a form-fitting top. I do have her email address. Think I should send her an apology note and try for a coffee date?
I would say yes to writing a note if you truly are interested.. giving a phone number plus an email is a good sign that she wants to be contacted and see you again.. granted.. it is kinda weird that she is Asian and DD.. that’s totally not natural or she was pregnant at one point and probably has a kid.. sorry.. anyway.. back to helping you out.. i can see why she’s sensitive on the issue.. an email would be okay.. just do not mention an apology again- doesn’t set a good tone to start a relationship- you don’t know he yet- work on the “first impression” afresh.. you want to start it out on an “i’m interested in you” with no negative or downside or apology to it.. keep it gentleman-like and respectful and flirt or something.. you know what to do.. she’ll either delete the email or respond… you know what I’d say.. send one email asking for coffee.. dinner.. what ever.. idea that you two should get together, captivated by her sparkling personality or something like that.. then a few minutes later send a holdiday e-greeting card.. it’ll get her attention in a good way, she’ll rethink you if she was thinking no originally.. it’s okay.. don’t worry christmas a new years eve just passed.. the greeting card thing is still okay.. but put the “lets get together” part in the regular email.. you run the risk of her not opening the greeting knowing very well you most likely will get notified once she opens it if she chooses to open it.. just a thought..
You posted December 15.
It’s January 3.
You waited too long.
“He’s just not that into you”
Excellent work on this article. It makes for an interesting and easy read.