My boyfriend showed me his personal porn tape and a few X-rated pics today without me asking him too. He’s with at least 15 different women on video. He has admitted to me that he was a bit of a whore back in his younger days (he’s almost 40 now). I know it was from a while ago b/c of some scars that he has now that he got 10 yrs ago that weren’t there on the video.
I am concerned because even though he was a player back then, I am afraid he still is. He claims that he got it out of his system and wants to settle down with me but I’m pissed. I’m going to throw away the DVD the next time I go to his place. Do I have a right to be concerned? What should I do? Should I kick him to the curb?
Hey there Anonymous,
First of all, thanks for asking your question.
Here goes nothing: There are many moral dilemmas that I personally would have with being in a relationship with someone if they were involved in pornographic films in a past life.
Now the key idea here is this: It was the past. And people can change, that’s my personal belief, and I’ve learned through experience that sometimes they don’t.
Do you love him? Trust him. If you can’t trust him, end it.
Now, I’m not trying to tell you how to run your life, but if you can’t trust someone, why be in any relationship with them besides possible friendship? There are other fish in the sea.
Anybody else?
You shouldn’t really be pissed because he was honest with you. Most guys would hide that, and put a lot of work into hiding it as well. He was open and honest about you, if you are scared that his actions may repeat then you need to sit him down and have a serious conversation about this, honesty and trust are key to a healthy relationship!
Best of luck!
I agree with Michelle. He had the courage to show you. Don’t be angry. Instead, express your concerns with him now. Say that up until the video, you trusted him. But it made you uneasy, make sure he knows you’re not upset that he showed you, but that you’re glad you know.
Find a way for him to rebuild your trust in him. If you feel he needs to prove himself, then ask him to. But don’t go in with guns blazing, be demure and just state your mind without raising your voice or acting accusatory.