I’M dating?/seeing a guy and he keeps talking about his ex. we’ve been going out for 2 months, he had gotten out of a long-term relationship and had lived with her. first she tried to contact him, he didn’t respond. now he is trying to keep friendship. I’m not comfortable with this but I don’t feel comfortable telling him I don’t approve of keeping an ex as a friend, it doesn’t look like she wants to keep him anymore though.
ALSO adding that it feels more like a friendship and interest, but not something that may become a relationship.. its just that we spend so much time together. I enjoy the company, just really turned off by the stories about the ex and their life together.. I think he may see us as dating, I can’t tell, and I don’t want to initiate a ‘talk’.. we spend a lot of time together..I see nothing wrong with friendship.. we haven’t crossed any boundaries that would suggest more, mostly just learned more about each other’s lives, but we’re at an age where we should probably be thinking of dating to find someone to marry or form a serious relationship with.. at least that’s how I feel.. we’re not in high school.
ONE more thing.. he mentioned that his friends speculated that he may be bisexual. I admit I am naive and things like that are hard to grasp, but I can’t ignore that he has mentioned this more than once (he actually does talk more about the ex.. sometimes it feels like its a cover and sometimes it makes me almost forget he might be bisexual)… he either jokes/talks about it or focuses on a lot of stories about his ex (sometimes fond memories, he doesn’t paint a bad/or mean picture, he reminisces in positive light.. but says they very much didn’t match and it wasn’t healthy).. he keeps constant contact with me by phone, email, text, and in-person..we talk about normal everyday things too.
WE have a friendship I could see keeping it.. I can see we aren’t quite progressing to girlfriend/boyfriend and he clearly has issues with his past, he is telling me quite a bit though about his family and emotional baggage. I just don’t want to find that this prevents me from finding an amazing guy that can be a wonderful boyfriend for me.. I know his relationship was with a girl.. I’m wondering if all this emotional unloading is to feel if I’m accepting of him.. I’m content with this friendship, but I’m a woman.. I want to meet a man that can one day be a main part of my life.
I KNOW I can’t accept a relationship with a man who may be bisexual even though he may not or seem not to act on it.. that would be too damaging, and I am happy to know about this early on.. even if he has never said outright that this is the case, but that his friends say this of him.. and leaves it to interpretation
I KNOW that it is very rude to talk about an ex in the presence of a date so I consider myself not dating him but being invited places as just a friend
I JUST wonder what people think and what I should do.. him and I are classmates too, we have a few classes together but not all of them.. our school is somewhat small too
I THINK I feel that he talks about his ex in excess to hide the fact that his friends (outside of school.. maybe in-school too, I don’t really know about the in-school, I don’t initiate conversations about him with others) say he may be bisexual .. why do I still have difficulty with this.. I’m not in love with him, I know that.. I just think it would be more respectful if he didn’t tell me all the stories, we actually haven’t known each other that long.. but at the same time I feel nice to be trusted as a friend and that he can share his issues with me.. I imagine other would have been fed up with all the emotional baggage unloading but I feel solid as a friend and a person that can be trusted.. just .. I feel something missing in my life.. like I need to refocus on me.. I don’t have any issues remotely close to what he has, I could almost/or probably say I’ve clean-slate and why should I take on his problems.. I think I need to re-focus on the importance of me and what would be good for me.. does this make sense? what would you think or do?
MAYBE I resolved some of the problem by writing this.. I know we can’t be an item.. there are some issues that I can’t compromise in a relationship.. I know that I respect him as a person and his feelings.. I guess I want to know how best to keep a friendship but not let myself close to possibility of finding someone that would be a good boyfriend for me that may turn into the start of a life together..
HELP me get perspective.. I think I just want opinions. I did gain more perspective when writing this though, I feel better. It’s easier to go just day to day and not evaluate things, writing and reading what I write can definitely be a bit more of a real-life wake up call.. but please write, thanks.
I AM hoping there’s a nice guy out there. I don’t want to settle.. I know life is compromise between two people.. but I don’t feel this one is right.. how can I refocus on me?
… I like the last line before submitting an entry.. it reads: I Agree Not To Be An Idiot, lol.. well done
just keep him as a friend
Update: I stopped seeing the guy, honestly didn’t deserve energy or my time. I didn’t know him long enough to hear all the things I did. The get-togethers were getting borderline date-like how he was treating me, it was blurring lines. I feel so much better. He had so many problems. Last straw: drugs in his family (and his okay-ness with it), not that the other stuff wasn’t bad enough. So I reconnected with some friends, strengthened the ones I’ve already had and focused more on me and school and I’m loving life. Was strange though, because I had never met anyone with those problems, or many problems for that matter, and I have that compassion trait and just want to see the best in everyone. It gets to a point where I have to think about myself too. I think surrounding yourself with positivity is a great thing, he had such a negative outlook in life too, I didn’t like it. I wish him well, he has a lot of work to do to get to a place where he can find happiness, but it wasn’t for me. I am so much happier, it’s just great. Thank you.