Okay, try this one. My wife and I are both 50 years old. We have been married 28 years. We met in college and got married soon after graduating. When my wife started dating me, she broke up with her boyfriend, who I believe never got over her. During our wedding reception, he was in tears and could not talk to my new wife — you be the judge, but I believe that he was still grieving over losing her to me. We then lost contact with him soon after. Fast forward 28 years. We have 2 kids (ages 16 and 14) and a stable marriage. She told me she encountered her former boyfriend on a college reunion website. Turns out that this former boyfriend has been married 25 years but his marraige is breaking up. I find out, from reviewing her cell phone call log that she had begun talking with him again, sometimes for more than an hour at a time, while I am at work. (she is a stay at home mom). Anyway, today I tried to call her cell and could tell I was placed in the “call waiting” cue. About 10 minutes later she calls me back and apologizes, saying that she was on the phone making doctors’ appointments. When I checked her call log it turns out she was in an hour-long conversationo with her ex boyfriend. But she had to lie to me about what she was doing on the phone. What should I do? Is this a warning sign?
sounds like she is interested in the old boy friend, and is thinking about having an affair with him
I don’t like that they are talking and the man’s marriage is breaking up or broken up. It concerns me is that they connected from a website. Why the steps to search and find and reconnect. curious, how close were they before, how did they feel about each other?
I think that she was aware you would be concerned and so told you it was for doct appts, regardless of if there is something going on or not. I do believe it definitely could become something, there is always a potential, always. You don’t want stable for a relationship, you want emotionally and mentally in sync ideally.
know that you, yourself are still an individual. you may be in a marriage and share things, but you are still whoever you are. and she is still whoever she is. her past shaped her but doesn’t define her. your past shaped you but doesn’t define you. and you are together now, and for those many years. there’s still a part of her that wasn’t with you and a part of you that wasn’t with her. appreciate the difference, but know that you can trust her, but you can’t trust her completely, you are again completely different individuals.
I think you two need to focus or refocus on your relationship together, whether something is going on or not. and listen to what she is saying. Don’t let her know, just listen to how she view you and her, listen to her tone. are there changes to the relationship or how she is acting that would cause reason to be concerned? you have had many years together, sometimes when you feel this way, just work the strengthen the bond and/or re-appreciate each other.
the thing is you married straight out of college, that I consider young. but then again, I don’t know if people married younger earlier, I see that now too, but it seems to be due to location people live in, at least partly because different places have a different general mentality despite the “we just fell in love” reason.
I can’t believe you two had him at the wedding too! I’m judging that was not a smart move, gives him the reason of friendship to reconnect and closeness because he was invited to the wedding, you two gave him a road into her life because he had been a guest at the wedding. you invited him to help celebrate it, how can you now exclude it? though I would say the new reconnection and the time apart and exclusion and the fact that he had a broken heart would be reason enough for concern. I can’t believe you had him as a guest to the wedding! did you know they dated?
look to your instincts.
a coworker of mine just recently reconnected with “the biggest crush” at a random seminar, completely a chance.(then again with facebook, twitter and technology I’m sure people can be found)
He is married. Has a first newborn, and now a reconnect to tween-crush. they moved when they were young, dad’s job. He found out she married. He then got married. loves the marriage, woman, and newborn.
I wonder about the reconnect. their families were friends. Interesting world. they will probably all reconnect, a random 10 year reunion chance meeting.
Seeing it though from his perspective and that he has a family and feels stable and love, well-wishing to just about any person he meets, I don’t see something like an affair to happen. I doubt it, maybe pent up feelings and reliving it for a while, I doubt an affair though.
Maybe the perspective carries with other too. Maybe it’s just reliving for a moment but nothing that would become an affair. She has three kids, he has his first, doubt that they’d let anything happen or think too much in that direction, plus religion and values can be healthy pillars.
I don’t know.
only if you have reason to think your marriage hasn’t been going well and won’t work.