Met guy over christmas. Have had sex. He says he broke up with a girl a month ago and she was “around” on Christmas so he gave her a gift.
He drinks, gambles, and is taking time off job (teaching) because his boss gave him a chewing out.
He says he’s at a crossroads. His father is dying.
There was also nail polish and anal ease cream at his home when I went.
Is he rebounding? Is he in trouble with his job? His house is a bachelor pad. Help!
he is rebounding.. little honest here. I think you two were intimate too soon. he just broke up.. they need.. everyone needs time to get back on their feet (but it feels good not to be alone.. I understand that part.. I don’t know how close they were before or the reason why it didn’t work).. but about you.. how did you two meet? if you want to start something at a time like that (and you totally can I think).. it should, i think, be less intimate and more a “getting to know you” type of ground (you can get a guy at the tail-end.. when he just got out of a relationship if you think he’s great and worth the emotional wait, can be done).. umm but.. i don’t know.. people do approach things differently, I would just say the intimate part, I think, was too soon.. what do you really know about him already?.. but, that’s me.. and you should just be comfortable with the type of relationship you have with him that’s the important part, people have different time-line and ways to approach relationships.. i do think he is rebounding though, but that’s not to say something can’t be there between the two of you that becomes something really great.. i can’t believe he gave her a gift though (how long were they together before their one-month-ago break up?).. and, i don’t know, i’m never too comfortable when they keep in touch with their ex’s.. i have plain just platonic guy friends.. and they tell me (when they’re being honest)that they only reason they would keep an ex around is b/c they feel maybe someday they can re-ignite the flames someday or hook-up.. it’s not the “friendship” that keeps them.
are you actually boyfriend/girlfriend or does he see it as “kinda dating”.. “maybe can be in a relationship but its not a relationship yet” .. would he call you “girlfriend” in public?.. b/c part of the problem can actually be what stage you see everything as and what stage he sees things.. being intimate doesn’t necessarily give instant girlfriend status.. see if you can get the official word or see how he would refer to you as in front of his friends or something like that.
you can you wait it out, but tone it down. get into listen mode and do simple stuff like coffee and afternoon dates.. maybe shopping dates.. probe a little.. plus.. you just met him.. you have to find your way into his heart still.. you’re both way too new to each other to totally get the “are we compatible” part yet
i think he disrespected your possible relationship by getting her a present.. you are still new to him, I acknowledge that.. you two really just need to have time to develop something.. play your cards right if you want to keep him.. by that I mean.. be cautious and get to know him, less of the physical.. watch how often he tries to talk to you.. how he talks to you.. can you tell if he’s “into you”? or actually really more “into the situation”?
best of luck
keep us posted.
i hope you find what you
want to do.
umm.. the nail polish and the cream put me on alert.. just telling you in case you were feeling that way too about it.. the job, gambling and drinking if moderation or light, I can see as being passable.. you would know best though, woman’s intuition, since you’ve been around him.. but he sounds like a package/baggage.. it’s good you’re keeping an eye out for the red flags.. good job! we totally need to do things like that.. i’ve heard that girls forgive things easily and put the though aside.. guys don’t say anything but don’t forget.. don’t ignore the gut intuition.. and time usually is the answer when you don’t know what to do.. give a little time and be cautious until that gut-knowing type of feeling.
Find another guy.
no, don’t go out with him.
keep your standards.