Wife talking to ex-boyfriend

My wife and I have been married for 4 years and we have two beautiful kids together. She has recently got in contact with her ex-boyfriend, who is also her first love and they never really broke up, my wife moved to the U.S. where she continued her life without him. My wife was the one that made the initial phone call, she got his phone number from her cousin, who just happen to run into him and that is how my wife found out that he was now living just a few miles away now. My wife admitted to talking to him throughout the day while she was at work (which was almost 4 hours total). I felt uncomfortable with my wife talking so much with her ex and I attempted to tell her how I felt about her talking so much with her ex; however, she got defense with me and we ended up in a terrible argument. The following day I noticed that my wife spent over 3 hours talking to him again while at work. That night I reviewed her text messages and read some messages that he wrote that made me extremely upset. He had wrote messages such as: “It brings me great joy dreaming about you”, “I’m going crazy wanting to see you again”, “I can’t wait to hear your voice again”, and “I can spend all day talking to you”. I confronted my wife about the messages and he wrote and told her that I wish she would stop talking to her ex completely. My wife continues stating that there isn’t anything going on between them, and that she told him that he needs to stop talking like that because she is married. My wife also feels that I am just being jealous and insecure about our relationship. I told my wife that I feel that I am being very reasonable and I am very secure with our relationship; however, it’s not appropriate for her to continue any kind of relationship with her ex. She ha told me that she is not going to stop talking to him because she is not doing anything wrong. Let me also mention that he ha a girlfriend that he has been seeing for 7 years and she is clueless about what is going on, and my wife told me that his girlfriend does not know because she knows my wife and would disapprove. Don’t know what to do. I love my wife and wish not to have this end our relationship but I will not be ok with this continuing. Any advice will help.

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7 Responses

  1. Anonymous says:

    No offense women, but sometimes they’re too damn stubborn [as are us guys]. I don’t know if anything is going on besides “playful flirting”, but regardless, I would tell her to make a decision, cute texts or a loving marriage. You are in the right, she’s [please, do not take this personally] being an idiot.

    It’s your marriage. My opinion: if you can’t live with her being the way she is, perhaps it isn’t meant to be regardless if it is just flirting, or possibly more than that. It’s a touchy subject. Look after your family and yourself. She doesn’t have to be a part of your family for things to work with your kids. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you have to be unhappy for your children.

    Talk to her again. Ask her to stop, tell her how it’s hurting you more than anything and see if she stops. If she doesn’t and keeps going behind your back, separate.

  2. Anonymous says:

    There’s a term for this: emotional cheating

    They’re in or starting an emotional relationship. I agree with your concerns. Marriage is probably, I would say, the most important commitment in anyone’s life.

    A guy, random classmate, once told me; “Embers can grow back into fire with a little coaxing”. He had the same dream for a girl who married, one kid in the marriage too. They kept and keep communication, damaged him greatly. He doesn’t want to get married, still loves her, will always.

    You need to talk at some point together. You two have children. Evaluate. Listen to how she sees you and her. Think of your foundation together, think, just think. You have a lot invested in this. Her too, I hope she sees that.

    How is it your wife just found out that her friend has been dating her ex for SEVEN years? I am telling you they are not friends. They may be acquaintances, but they are not friends. If it is a recent friendship and they can’t talk matter-of-factly then there’s something wrong in this.

    I would leave the man if I was the girlfriend of seven years. I would want to know. Those are precious years where I could find a man more deserving of me, one that would respect and appreciate me. I would respect myself and leave.

    Children are impressionable. Changes in tone or voice can deeply impact. When they get older they’ll play with the idea of her with him and not have the concept of marriage and commitment and your place until years later. It takes a while to develop I think, I hope they grow in a loving home.

    I don’t think I would take the concept of divorce easily. I don’t think I would take marriage lightly either. And I wouldn’t want to stay in something damaged and damaging. Evaluate. You will probably have an answer in yourself partly, play your cards right when you are going through this period of evaluating things.

    Was sad to hear your story. I didn’t read it as playful flirting. I read it as an emotionally-cheating relationship. Her cousin happened to run into him? Happen to get his phone number? I don’t like it.. not the cousin, the situation. You never know, they may have been in communication before and used the cousin as a story. They might have asked about each other, might have met earlier.

  3. Anonymous says:

    I had the same problem only her EX was overseas. Soon enough I found out about a secret email address. I guessed the password and found out then that they had slept together on at least one occasion. I thought I had it resolved, but I now believe they never stopped communicating. Cause that was my demand after confronting her the first time, she must drop him. Still trying to catch her communicating with him. If I find out otherwise, it may well be divorce, and we have three kids only one of whom is older and out of the house.

  4. Anonymous says:

    I do wish you well. I hope you find the answers you are looking for, the life you want to have, and joy in your day. I believe that if you put something in your mind you can achieve it.

    Challenges come into our lives in different forms. It can make you a stronger person. You can overcome hardships if you can find the strength and will to carry on. Just know that there are people that understand you and wish you well on the journey.

  5. Anonymous says:

    My wife is doing the same thing….only with several….the text messages…emails and phone calls are never ending…she says the same thing…nothing wrong with this at all….you should see the messages they send her…WOW…I can say this…if it was me….she would have a fit…..so my solution yesterday was to send her packing….now she is asking if i will continue to pay her bills….such as phone bill…are you kidding???…pay for her phone so she can continue this stuff?????

  6. Anonymous says:

    I can’t believe she wanted you to pay her bills after this? oh my god, that’s crazy!! problem is, you can’t always tap into email.

    I wonder how old the posters and spouses are. curious

    Do you think people get married before they’re ready? Or in the end it really is that the spouse was just not the type of person to marry, Or do you think maybe something happened along the way and was not the person you were engaged with and married. curious

  7. Anonymous says:

    I have almost the same problem. A year ago my fiance had this fling with a co-worker and tried to hide it him on me. whenever he would text her while i was with her, i would ask who it is and she would reply no one. how in the sam hell can no one text message me. Finally it got to the point where she wanted to leave me and i begged her to stay more times than i think i should have. She ended up quitting her job and we moved out of the community. a year later she contacted that same guy and i just told her u need to pick him or me because i am not going through this again. Now for the past month, she has been facebook messaging a married man all day at work. within 4 hours they texts 54 times. she still just says that they are just friends. it took long arguments to get her to see my side of the story and i still feel betrayed. she says that she loves me and wants to be with me forever but how can u be in love with someone but want someone else? We have a child together but i am getting to the point where just one more time of this bull shit and i am done with her for good. What you need to do and what i have been doing is asking the question: do you really want to be with me? if the answer is yes, than tell her why is it that you think it is ok to hurt me on the inside with this type of behavior? the question you need to ask yourself, is the battle worth it?

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